There’s this little saying I like, and it goes like this: “Hot girls leave the function early.” Sometimes after a shit day, you just want to go home, throw on your Adam Sandler clothes, and go to bed. A tip: the best way to avoid a bad time is simply protecting your energy.
What exactly does “protecting your energy” mean, though? It isn’t just about declining an invite or leaving a function in dint of a low social battery. While there’s no vetted term, Dr. Vania Manipod, DO, from Oak Health Center, likes to describe protecting your energy as “emotional burnout prevention,” “self-preservation,” and “boundary setting.” “All of these describe ways to be proactive about maintaining emotional equilibrium as much as possible in order to sustain your daily responsibilities as much as possible,” she says.
In doing so, we preserve and take control of our energetic hygiene, identifying what keeps us feeling full and what leaves us feeling empty. And if you couldn’t guess, the benefits of protecting our mental and emotional well-being outweigh the detriments.
Take burnout, for example. When you’re burned out, chronic stress can impact you physically by worsening existing medical conditions like skin rashes, migraines, blood pressure, and pain. It can even trigger the onset of new issues such as heart attack, stroke, and acid reflux, Dr. Manipod says.
On the flip side, maintaining full, healthy energy provides us with higher dopamine levels, leading to a happier life. “We are going to be more able to put the energy in real, true connections. And in those connections, we will build our confidence, our self-esteem, and again, our energy. We will be physically more healthy,” says Dr. Leslie Dobson, PsyD,, a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist based in Long Beach, CA.
The concept blew up on social media during and after the pandemic, when people began to see why prioritizing your energy (and who gets some of it) took hold both during lockdown and as we left our bubbles of isolation. That sparked a renaissance of people re-learning how to communicate, establishing new levels of comfortability, and monitoring who entered their social circles.
One way this manifests? Through “friend cleanses.” If you’ve been feeling a lot of negative energy lately, you might be ready for a cleanse, where you consider all the people in your life and decide if you want to keep them (and how far away).
Dr. Dobson likes to do these cleanses quarterly with her clients. “It allows us to control where our energy goes in our life, such as identifying a friend as just a texting friend and then we lower the expectation and we don’t get hurt when we really don’t see them in person and they don’t ask us to hang out,” she says. “Another friend may be a deep conversation friend, and we only hear from them once a month or once a year.”
In a survey conducted by StyleCaster, Mental, and the Mental Health Coalition, 91% of participants said they actively work to protect their energy on social media. To inspire this practice, users on Instagram and TikTok are sharing their tips for meditating, balancing mental health, and preserving your energy.
“Thanks to social media, there’s more discussion of the importance of setting boundaries with things that can easily drain our energy, such as work, finances, relationships, bad news—mass shootings, racist acts, etc.,” says Dr. Manipod. “Protecting your energy feels like a tangible way to set boundaries and guide decisions that one makes in their daily life in order to preserve their energy and get through each day as much as possible.”
You don’t have to belong to a certain demographic to protect your energy, and it’s not one-size-fits-all, either. Maintaining healthy energy levels is necessary for respecting the boundaries we draw in our personal and professional lives.
The rules are yours. You decide how to protect your energy and who you want to invest it in. But if you want some places to get started, find 6 ways below.
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Journaling
First up, Dr. Dobson recommends journaling as an actionable way to monitor your energy levels. She likes the concept of having separate journals: one for the morning to write down goals, dreams, and intentions over a morning coffee, and one for the evening to get out all your worries.
But keep the latter out of the bedroom, she warns. “The night journal can be a ‘worry journal,’ where we write down all of our worries, and then we leave the journal outside of our bedroom,” she says. “We actively tell ourselves that our worries are in our journal, and we have permission to go about our evening sleep with peace. We can pick up our worries in the morning.”
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Allotting the Right Time to the Right Friendships
Life’s busy. There’s always going to be someone we’ve been meaning to catch up with, take out for coffee, or talk up at a networking event. As humans, we naturally daydream about all the people we need to make time for. We don’t want to lose the connections, but we don’t have enough energy to cast.
“I like the concept of vetting people before you give them energy. You text or maybe talk on the phone, and you really honor that vibe. If the vibes aren’t there, then you don’t take that really long subway trip to see them, right. And then you maintain your energy and you trust yourself,” Dr. Dobson says.
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Limiting Certain Activities
I’ll let you in on a little secret: setting screen time limits for news and social media apps is magical. Psychiatrists like Dr. Manipod also recommend it. “Since we’re often bombarded with negative news, it can easily drain us, because a lot of the news leaves us feeling helpless and emotionally drained,” she says. She’s not suggesting you live under a rock. Rather, give yourself only a brief amount of time to catch up with news updates whenever is convenient for you.
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Checking In At Work
Show of hands for who might need to start protecting their energy at the workplace? There’s always going to be people you don’t vibe with, who you might deem as toxic with a capital T. For Dr. Dobson, the first step to navigating a toxic work environment is understanding your attachment style. Ask yourself: when I meet new people, am I anxious and immediately want to throw a happy hour to get people to like me, or am I avoidant and want to read the room before befriending co-workers?
“If you feel that you have an anxious attachment style, it is important to take your time when you start to get to know people. It is ok to vet people,” Dr. Dobson says. “Tell yourself that you are not going to offer too much of your time, energy, personal information, or impose control on work people.”
If, on the other hand, you have an avoidant attachment style, work interactions likely will be energy-draining. “Start by envisioning the people you will interact with, and plan ahead. If you have to join a meeting, plan to join with a time limit, and prepare what you will say if questions require personal answers,” Dr. Dobson explains. “Show up, but not too much that you are uncomfortable or want to run.”
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Doing (More Of) What Fills Your Cup
Dr. Manipod keeps it real: For caregivers or primary providers of families, she knows protecting your energy 100% just isn’t feasible, and that’s understandable. She reminds people that sometimes the easiest way to replenish your energy is doing things you already enjoy when time allows: going for a walk, talking to a loved one, watching your favorite TV show. “Or do what you can to sustain your energy as much as possible by ordering takeout instead of cooking, or asking for help from your support system,” she says.
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Wear Head Accessories
We can’t say there’s hard data to back this up, but some believe that wearing head accessories— such as scarfs, hats, or head veils—can help protect and focus your energy on the third eye, or your crown chakra. This isn’t for everyone, but if you’re like Luna Ase, a self-proclaimed “hybrid healer,” wearing hair charms made with protective metals like silver, gold, and hematite crystals can bring on sensations of groundedness. Roya Backlund, lifestyle editor and resident astrologer at StyleCaster, sees healing power in crystals too. “My favorite healing crystal is selenite, as it acts as a purifier for everything it surrounds and touches,” she says. “Surrounding yourself with selenite or using selenite to draw a protective circle around you can be immensely healing.”
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Applying Oils
If you’re looking for another spiritual approach, consider Evil Eye removal oils. Throughout Roman history, the Evil Eye was associated with envy drawn from one soul and sent to another.“I apply my Evil Eye oil whenever I desire added protection in a social situation. I will also add it when I’m just feeling angry, insecure, or off,” Backlund says. “Sometimes, I’ll notice it’s been a while since I’ve applied it, and I’ll reapply just to make sure I’m all good and protected. When I’m wearing it, I definitely feel more kind to myself and others.”